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Bedroom Color Ideas For Boys
10 years ago
hey there! sorry to send the update so late today, actually i guess it is officially wednesday, but i still feel like the horrendousness of tuesday is still carrying over until i fall back to sleep. i want to apologize to anyone who didn't hear back from me today, either by online or phone message. i really do appreciate ALL the support and well wishes but sometimes it is very hard, or at least tiring to some degree, to write, text, and talk for long. i try really hard to reserve time each day to do as much as i can, but i usually get really wiped every couple of hours; after each med round, after each meal, after physical therapy, after doc visits, etc., so keeping up is tough, and i feel really horrible that people may think i'm blowing them off. i got really overwhelmed today buy bren and al pointed out that people will understand. i NEVER thought i'd ever be in the position of ever saying i feel like i have too many friends or supporters, and i still don't think that's the case as it is heart warming to hear from so many, but i feel there are not enough hours to give everyone the timely response to their support and inspirational words. i get nervous people will think that i'm 'blowing them off' or not grateful and i do not want anyone to feel like that at all.
i know what it feels like to never get a reply, or to have someone constantly tell you 'oh call me so we can get together, i really want to see/talk to you' but then days, weeks, months, of unreturned responses go by and you think to yourself, "ooookay, i think i get the hint!" haha...i just don't want anyone to feel that way on my account as i know it hurts. it's just hard to gather the mind clarity, and actually strength, to even finish these updates here. mostly because of the meds, but sometimes it is emotional.
today was especially tough, coming off of the upbeat day and night i had prior, today was a low. since i hadn't talked to the doctors since my surgery they hadn't been able to tell me that the tourniquet they had put on my leg during surgery would leave the lower leg nerves numb....until 12am. not knowing that, because i had felt so good i had cut way back on the pain pills that had given me nausea, really bad headaches, made me more loopy, and itchy. well, when the pain bomb of 12am dropped i was unprepared mentally but physically too. i had to take the meds, but because so much time had passed getting them back into my system took hours and those were, for lack of a better term excruciating. i don't need to delve into that, but i felt like the car had hit me again, and waiting that time out was tough.
that sort of set me up for a tough day, being that those hours tick by so darn slow between the pitch black of morning to the first hazy grays of the morning where then it feels like there are others even alive and awake out there. outside of that the trauma unit was busy, some lady kept yelling, i think someone tried to run away, the cops were tracking someone down, and the lady next door literally was opening and closing a snap binder each second the whole night. not that it kept me from sleep, the pain did that, but think about the snap, slam, snap, slam of that stupid binder each second, hours on end...i thought i would go mad!!
okay, so this account is moving too slowly, i saw my doctor's head nurse today; she said all the bones have been screwed in and aligned, the hole is in essence closed but fit with the most superficial wound vacuum to suck out blood and other debris inside the wound. to take it out i won't have to be completely under but it give me the willies to think i have to sit there when they jiggle this leechlike thing out; she said it was somewhere worked in between the stitches, and the nausea sort of kicked in and i said that was enough detail, i didn't really want to have a visual of them taking it out! they cleaned out the wound after aligning the bones and such and the rest of the wound looked good then, but they are going to 'peek in' probably thursday to see if it is still clean and everything looks to be healing. if so, then they won't go in again, but if not then i'll have another surgery. they will then assess the bone and skin graft possibilities then too.
did more PT and it was hard to see how long this road stretches ahead. rebuilding muscle strength and control is one part, but i was cardiovascularly, usually my biggest strength, and also muscularly exhausted after one and 1/5 loops around the hall...a distance that was only a wee bit the longest outing yet. she told me i could do 1/4 loops in the afternoon, as well as the other sets of the exercises, and by the time i was nearing the end i felt like i was talking myself up like at the end of a race. it was harder in the walker later on only because i had to go alone and that meant carrying the extra weight of the blood vacuum on the front of my geriatric walker. being that tired felt good in that i know it's progress and i do crave testing my limits, but seeing how severely restrained my current limits are it made me sad. it was only last tuesday and wednesday i was able to easily run 9-12 miles, do some core work, maybe add some weights, and still not be this tired! but one day at a time.
then i had to get the whole lawyer thing started, thankfully i owe so much to Julius for setting me up with the one he had to use in his auto on auto accident and Al did much of the researching and talked me through it. so one more thing crossed off and i don't have to worry about; i was called earlier being told that the guy, Chris that's all i guess i should say, wouldn't continue to be detained unless i was at the court on friday at 10:10am. knowing my situation, nearly all the stars would have to align if i could get out of the hospital by then let alone be out at the court! the lawyer told me to just relax and she will take care of it. that helped, and Al helped by telling me to stop stressing about all the hospital bills; even though the guy has no insurance, there is some program for uninsured motorists that will cover my costs and i won't be responsible for paying upfront...which i was really nervous about.
gosh, so much today, then ongoing nausea and migraine before lunch, and it just seemed like one thing after the other. but by the end, after an embarrassingly girly breakdown which Al, and then Bren, were champs about, i felt at least resolved to turning off those swirling thoughts and just not worry about it. ended the night the best way, chatting it up with al, after bren came by and we watched a movie, and i actually slept for a tad before waking up now. i had to take my pain pills and sleeping pills at the start of this email, so i hope to get at least 5 hours of snooze off of that. so after all this rambling, it feels better to just vent out the frustrations and start off tomorrow fresh...even if in truth it is already wednesday, i hope when i wake up after some real shut eye i will actually greet the day. again, thanks all for your support, and i hope to get back to everyone in time, but it will take that and please don't feel like you don't matter if it takes a bit longer...i'm doing as much as i can~! sleep well. :)
i know what it feels like to never get a reply, or to have someone constantly tell you 'oh call me so we can get together, i really want to see/talk to you' but then days, weeks, months, of unreturned responses go by and you think to yourself, "ooookay, i think i get the hint!" haha...i just don't want anyone to feel that way on my account as i know it hurts. it's just hard to gather the mind clarity, and actually strength, to even finish these updates here. mostly because of the meds, but sometimes it is emotional.
today was especially tough, coming off of the upbeat day and night i had prior, today was a low. since i hadn't talked to the doctors since my surgery they hadn't been able to tell me that the tourniquet they had put on my leg during surgery would leave the lower leg nerves numb....until 12am. not knowing that, because i had felt so good i had cut way back on the pain pills that had given me nausea, really bad headaches, made me more loopy, and itchy. well, when the pain bomb of 12am dropped i was unprepared mentally but physically too. i had to take the meds, but because so much time had passed getting them back into my system took hours and those were, for lack of a better term excruciating. i don't need to delve into that, but i felt like the car had hit me again, and waiting that time out was tough.
that sort of set me up for a tough day, being that those hours tick by so darn slow between the pitch black of morning to the first hazy grays of the morning where then it feels like there are others even alive and awake out there. outside of that the trauma unit was busy, some lady kept yelling, i think someone tried to run away, the cops were tracking someone down, and the lady next door literally was opening and closing a snap binder each second the whole night. not that it kept me from sleep, the pain did that, but think about the snap, slam, snap, slam of that stupid binder each second, hours on end...i thought i would go mad!!
okay, so this account is moving too slowly, i saw my doctor's head nurse today; she said all the bones have been screwed in and aligned, the hole is in essence closed but fit with the most superficial wound vacuum to suck out blood and other debris inside the wound. to take it out i won't have to be completely under but it give me the willies to think i have to sit there when they jiggle this leechlike thing out; she said it was somewhere worked in between the stitches, and the nausea sort of kicked in and i said that was enough detail, i didn't really want to have a visual of them taking it out! they cleaned out the wound after aligning the bones and such and the rest of the wound looked good then, but they are going to 'peek in' probably thursday to see if it is still clean and everything looks to be healing. if so, then they won't go in again, but if not then i'll have another surgery. they will then assess the bone and skin graft possibilities then too.
did more PT and it was hard to see how long this road stretches ahead. rebuilding muscle strength and control is one part, but i was cardiovascularly, usually my biggest strength, and also muscularly exhausted after one and 1/5 loops around the hall...a distance that was only a wee bit the longest outing yet. she told me i could do 1/4 loops in the afternoon, as well as the other sets of the exercises, and by the time i was nearing the end i felt like i was talking myself up like at the end of a race. it was harder in the walker later on only because i had to go alone and that meant carrying the extra weight of the blood vacuum on the front of my geriatric walker. being that tired felt good in that i know it's progress and i do crave testing my limits, but seeing how severely restrained my current limits are it made me sad. it was only last tuesday and wednesday i was able to easily run 9-12 miles, do some core work, maybe add some weights, and still not be this tired! but one day at a time.
then i had to get the whole lawyer thing started, thankfully i owe so much to Julius for setting me up with the one he had to use in his auto on auto accident and Al did much of the researching and talked me through it. so one more thing crossed off and i don't have to worry about; i was called earlier being told that the guy, Chris that's all i guess i should say, wouldn't continue to be detained unless i was at the court on friday at 10:10am. knowing my situation, nearly all the stars would have to align if i could get out of the hospital by then let alone be out at the court! the lawyer told me to just relax and she will take care of it. that helped, and Al helped by telling me to stop stressing about all the hospital bills; even though the guy has no insurance, there is some program for uninsured motorists that will cover my costs and i won't be responsible for paying upfront...which i was really nervous about.
gosh, so much today, then ongoing nausea and migraine before lunch, and it just seemed like one thing after the other. but by the end, after an embarrassingly girly breakdown which Al, and then Bren, were champs about, i felt at least resolved to turning off those swirling thoughts and just not worry about it. ended the night the best way, chatting it up with al, after bren came by and we watched a movie, and i actually slept for a tad before waking up now. i had to take my pain pills and sleeping pills at the start of this email, so i hope to get at least 5 hours of snooze off of that. so after all this rambling, it feels better to just vent out the frustrations and start off tomorrow fresh...even if in truth it is already wednesday, i hope when i wake up after some real shut eye i will actually greet the day. again, thanks all for your support, and i hope to get back to everyone in time, but it will take that and please don't feel like you don't matter if it takes a bit longer...i'm doing as much as i can~! sleep well. :)
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