Today was kind of tough today; not really for any particular reason but i was just a bit down. Every day it kind of hits home more just how much my world has changed in such a short period of time. When i was back in the hospital on Thursday i was sitting there watching tv and i saw it was about 12:15 in the afternoon and i thought to myself, "wow, just a week ago about this time you were just heading out the door for a run with no clue what awaited you." and i was getting so frustrated because i had been a weenie lately and doing runs on the treadmill, and i was THIS close to just going downstairs to the gym in my apartment complex, but decided it was just too nice outside to pass up even if there was a good show on tv. and then i thought it was so weird that i was even on walker road because when i run from my house i ALWAYS go down park ave. but i had decided to 'mix it up.' i just kept thinking how everything seemed to be fluke decisions that were outside of my normal routine, and on any other given day at that time i wouldn't ever have been there.

But i had to stop doing that because you can't play the 'what if' game. yea, i could drive myself crazy with 'what if i had just run on treadmill...would i blissfully be going about business as usual today?' or 'what if i had just left five minutes earlie or later...would i have missed the car?' but the reality is i didn't do any of those things and thinking about other possible outcomes is only going to make me stew. so i did my best to pull myself out of the funk and just keep occupied with something else. i really do kind of just battle the clock; think about the next hour or tell myself i'm going to write or work on such and such for at least X amount of time and then the day passes. i am lucky to have so many people that give me a pick me up, be it an email, Facebook message, text, or phone call that come often enough that it interrupts any ruminating negative thoughts...and for that i thank you all.

i think i tend to be a pretty positive person, but when i feel that waning i have people i can vent to and just get it out of my system and that's usually enough to get me over the 'hump' and get back into the right frame of mind. and another thing that really helps is just making plans for days in the future that i can look forward to. just setting up little dinner nights out make me feel like a little excited kid...yea, that sounds pretty dorky but it's true. breaking up the monotony of vegging on the couch makes a big difference, but just seeing my friends or talking to them on the phone takes my mind off of all the other stuff and i end up feeling better. so i did that today; i set up meetings for the week, talked and did some venting. yea, the situation sucks, but the positives i can take away is that i feel like there are people who really do care a lot about me and they come from sometimes surprising places. i thank you all for keeping my spirits up and i'm looking forward to catching up with you soon because it really does keep me going. :)