okay folks...i am sorry to not have been able to get back to calls emails and such as I would have liked too...it was a bit busy/hectic today. and now when i have time i'm about to hit the sack and take those sleeping pills. for whatever reason, despite the fact that I'm indeed extremely tired i end up not being able to actually get fully out...no amount of Bo Peep's sheep are doing the trick. which makes not taking the pills even worse for the next day tiredness, they at least are only able to knock me out for 5hrs then I sort of veg, but at least for the middle of the day later i'm able to be more aware and hang with the awesome visitors. Al, always the entertainer that anyone who knows him can attest is never one to issue a sarcastic remark and is like a rainbow for this ward...haha....needless to say he keeps me in stitches. but he really DOES get me and knows what to say should those more 'serious' things come up. I got my shot of Al Kup after my surgery, will get back to that later, and we enjoyed breaking some bread so to speak, hence the glamor shot...gosh i look a beast! Then the lovely Tracey was soooo amazingly sweet and uplifting, she visited and brought me what is in fact much more healing than anything a doc could serve up, a copious amount of celeb trash i have yet to catch up on! SCORE...hehe. Again, she is a tried and true bud that has always been there and a pillar of support and her presence has meant so very much to me, again not only in drastic circumstances either. I finished by roll call with the Bren man, my bro, and we took the longest walk around the ward to date; it had to be total of 200m I'd say, so i've done the race distance for all u eager participants and now it will come down to getting that speed. ;)

On the medical side, surgery went actually really well; from what i've been able to gather. since i'm in the trauma ward my docs were kept slammed in surgery all day and i couldn't have them come to my room to debrief or whatever yet. but in terms of how i feel, its a marked difference from the first. A large part of that is in fact thanks to the fact I had a different anesthesiologist who i talked to before at length about how bad i felt after the first time. nausea, headache, itchiness, and i told him i expected the same, it's not his fault but just the reaction to the meds and then having to have morphine right away. BUTTTT, he told me that in fact is not what we HAD to do, it's his job to make it the easiest on me...geez i wish i had met this guy sooner, so he said he'd tinker the meds, i don't have to go back to morphine, and he'd frontload the dosages. this time when i woke up it was a WORLD of difference, i was not nauseous or with a killer migraine, nor itchy at all. of course the fog of waking up was present but super short and i just took a little time to close my eyes and veg until Al came. Last time after surgery my bro and girlfriend could barely get a full sentence out of me two afters after coming to, and then I felt horrible for the next 12 to 14 hours and could only stomach even the thought of food by about 16 hours later. But as you can see i enjoyed my eggs and choc chip waffles with Al not soon after getting up this time. So I'm tracking down a place to commend this Dr. Soloman and also to the head of the hospital, the nurses say the only time anyone ever hears something back is to complain so I think he deserves his props. Oh, and he wasn't too bad to look at either. :)

I also went back down to the xray lab and got those done, so i think they must have added another screw and some hardware to fix the tibia bone. The only reason I'm certain I'll have one more surgery is because the hole in my leg attached to the blood sucking vacuum is still there but the wound is smaller; so it was still too swelled up to close completely. I will most likely then see my surgeon tomorrow to find out the status of the skin/muscle/tissue grafts and tendon damage. On the rehab side I've progressed in the range of movement I have around the injury, my toes wiggle more freely, and even the big toe, and I can now fully straighten the knee for the first time. All of this and my pain is much better controlled.

This leaves me much more optimistic, and of course the visitors have kept that momentum going insurmountably, but I am still honest and in touch with the reality of all that has been doled out to my body and that it is traumatic. I don't want to dwell on that so I don't like to think, or write much about it, but I think to totally ignore that is not being in touch with reality, and I think a degree of that needs to remain intact. I have had to be extremely careful that the foot and leg are not bumped, moved too fast, or EVER have any weight put on them. The screaming pain reminds me of that, I know I can't sit up without the leg elevated above my heart for too long or it will protest and the pain meds won't be able to dull it for hours, and even though my back and neck beg to be erect I just can't do it. If I want the leg to heal the fastest I've got to be precautions and that includes the pain pills. A part of me used to feel weak or guilty about having to ask for something to dull the pain or to take what was served, but from the few times I tried to be 'strong' I learned I was only being stupid and not putting the recovery first. When the pills leave my system it is excruciating, there is a hole in the leg still after all, cait!, and then the swelling starts up. Then even if I do take a pill then, it's already occurred and it will not kick in and start to dull the pain immediately so I'll have to sit with that hurt. It's better to acknowledge I have to stay on the schedule for now and listen to the docs that know best.

Okay, not I'm the equivalent of brain mush just yet but getting there, and I've still gotta at least edit this for a read over once, so that's all for tonite. Just a few notes I have to say to a few people, of course Al, Bren, and Talia I'd be lost without your daily, multiple mostly, visits and ongoing support; not only thru this of course and you know that. And Tracey the same goes for you, and I don't have to say that because I know you know. Cathie, when i hear your voice you make me laugh so hard it hurts, and Josh and Dan the Man you guys have been the best through the horrendous days of Fleet Feet and up to today...Josh, today got so freaking hectic i was in xray when u had ur break and got back way late and now I'm no use to talk to, but know I will catch u tomorrow, u always have the funniest way of calling at the perfect times that we JUST miss each other, but also this creepy like sense of knowing it's the best time to call...right when ur the most awesome person to talk to! AS, note not read as ass, u rock for stepping in as firewall, hehe, i don't even need to write any more, u got it...and the awesome pen pal artist Ben, i wanted to email u more but am zonked, ur latest pieces are freaking amazing....u rock and u will be a comic superstar in no time! Okay, so these meds are making me all mushy gushy now too, gross, so i'm wraping up. Can't begin to say how much i miss my other sibs, shay and wes, and of course the 'rents, popo, gungs, old fart (u kno who u are!), and all the rest who are just too kind to drop me a line! Hope u are all doing well and nite to all!