we can't change people. heck, it's tough enough to even change things we don't like about ourselves but that is at least possible. no, no matter how much we may hope, wish, and remiss over the fact that others will be apt to do their own things, make their own choices, and act as they may (that is in fact a good thing in that we all have free will!) and even though it may be painful to whom those actions affect that is just something we have to deal with. yes, we may wish that others will try to keep in mind our own feelings to a certain degree, but when it comes right down to it we can't make someone feel a certain way, act like we'd like, or even care.

that is easier said than done but it is i believe easier to at least accept when the person is not someone you care a great deal about. yes, if you were walking down the street and some stranger decided to pour their hot coffee in your face or tell you that you were ugly and they would like you to remove yourself from their sight that would probably cause some strong feelings (anger, irritation, etc.) but you'd move on, eventually forget about it (or at least recount it to friends and laugh it off) and you'd be not much worse for wear. it is instead when the actions, or inactions, of others cause us hurt and pain that last longer; they stay with you and they eat at you.

when there are people in your life that you've always expected they would be there for you, for who you made it clear you cared infinitely about, for whom you've shared so many good times with, and if they were struggling you were always there for them; at some level you come to then assume that the feelings were reciprocated. it is then disheartening to learn that is not always the case. still, while you can cognitively come to the realization that you cannot rely on them, that they don't necessarily care for you the same way you do them, it still doesn't erase the hurt or the pain. i know we all have 'those people' in our lives and it is tough for anyone to deal with (be a family member, sibling, close friend, lover, etc.); still for our own sake we must recognize it for what it is when it is happening and yes, allow ourselves time to remorse the end of that relationship as it had been, but not take that pain and swallow it. instead we must look to those positive and fulfilling relationships and use the strength present there to pick ourselves up from the feelings of loss. i am grateful that there are those of the latter relationships in my life, as i believe we all have them no matter how great or few. in the end we must take care of ourselves, nurture the uplifting and steadfast relationships, and let go of the others...we cannot change the actions of others and we most definitely cannot change how they feel.