well i hope you enjoy the little cartoon i drew up and colored with my new artist tablet. i've been having some fun 'killing time' that way and am getting acquainted to all the varying features there are. i've done a few other cartoons that i've been putting up on my Writer's Blog as well as an online greeting card site. in a related train of thought i've been continuing to work on my novel idea and have set a little daily goal to keep me accountable to keep getting something accomplished!

yes, that Krankcycle sure is a B****! haha...it brings me back to the days when i was in high school and my coach used to have me cross train on the rowing machine. i'm not sure if any of you have been ever so 'blessed' as to spend ample quality time with the rowing machine but to say it is not one of my favorite past times would be an understatement! when i moved up to oregon i thought i'd kissed that sucker good-bye forever; yet in an ironic twist of fate it has come back as the reincarnate of another machine! i jest; a bit. i'd say i have a love/hate relationship with it; i'm grateful to have something to do and a way to help me regain some level of fitness so that hopefully when i do run again i'll be able to get back quicker, but at the same time it's not exactly my first choice! but i'm trying to keep that blasted glass half full, and like i said i'm very happy to be able to get in some limited cardio even if it must come from those burning biceps!

not anything else late breaking to report; i'm relieved that my knee is getting back much more mobility and each day i can bend it just a wee bit more. this makes it much easier to put my splint back on after i air out the leg. what has been really weird, and actually it really scared me at first until i talked to my dad (who majored in exercise science), is that with more feeling in my leg there has also come some uncontrolled spasms. at first they were really painful muscle cramps, but they have downgraded to spontaneous twitches and this unexplainable 'itching' type need to move, flex, and stretch my foot. this happens more at night, and it's centered around my big toe; it seems to have a mind of it's own and wants to move! but the tendons are still broken at the moment and either physically can't move or if they do budge a bit they aren't supposed to yet until the sutures have set longer and it's painful. i also get a tingling all over; so i feel like i've got this leg gone AWOL...but like my dad pointed out lots of nerve endings in addition to the tendons, muscles, skin, and bones were put through a major trauma and are trying to rebuild. the fact that i'm getting more sensation and that the nerves are beginning to fire is a good thing in that it means they are on the road to recovery. so i guess i will accept this rebelling leg and hope that it's just a sign i'm headed in the right direction!

so i'm very excited that i got my new Krankcycle today so that i can do all of my physical therapy here at my apartment...and stop pestering other people to give me a ride! :) i don't know who's happier, them or me, but either way the more i'm learning about this new spin on a traditional UBE machine (basically an arm bike) the more i think it is a step up from what i have been using. there are a lot more varying options with this machine; you can adjust the height of the arm cranks, you can even reverse the motion and steer away from you, and you can opt to cycle in the traditional pedal motion or instead move the arms in a synchronized method to get more power and momentum.

today was my first day using it and i feel you are able to get in a better workout and effort; by the end my heart rate was higher than that on the UBE machine. because the Krankcycle is akin to a spin bike you easily adjust the tension level by the knob and then obviously the harder you go and more rpm's you rack up you can then do interval workouts that way. right now i'm still getting used to relying on my arm muscles to do all the work and definitely need to build up my strength there so i have the ability to get this thing moving along. i'm also still adapting to the machine so i have yet to test out everything yet. but when i do start mixing things up i'll keep you posted; i'm excited to start doing some interval work on there to get in a really good cardio effort. while it is still not running, (and being a runner i'm not used to using my arms this much!) i'm still grateful to be able to do something! so i hope you enjoy meeting my Krankcycle. ;)

The Krankcycle comes from the same man who started the whole spin bike revolution, Johnny G, and you can check out the website at krankcycle.com.

today i had a nice visit from my friend, Tracey, and i must say the company was very welcomed! it's odd how before my accident i could go about my daily schedule and not really feel all that lonely or bored, but i had the distraction of running, working, or going on errands...take all that away and you get a restless mind! and i'm not going to even mention a restless body again. :) i've been slowly getting back to a limited amount of work, but you know how sometimes once you take so much time off getting back into the grind can be even more difficult?! i feel like my brain is turning just as mushy as my muscles, and i've contracted a bad case of laziness..."i don't feel like writing articles. i'd rather obsessively refresh my email account one more time. let's see the latest facebook updates." the excuses to not be productive are never ending, but at the same time growing more alluring too! i've sort of delegated myself to allowing this to be a semi break of indeterminate length and am doing my best to achieve a few daily tasks but not feel too guilty about slacking off.

before my accident it was very rare that i would take a day off, or a break for that matter, so i think this could also be a sign that i just needed to back off and slow down in that department as well. plus, i'm at the point where i want to venture into other things and this could be a good time to do that. i want to finish the novel i'm writing, and i've been plugging away at that daily; not very much but at least enough to feel like i'm moving in the right direction. i also want to focus more on my art and i've been doing that too. so i feel like i'm dabbling in finding what makes me happy work wise and hoping that in the end things will work themselves out. a lot of the future is a question; not only physically with the injury, but financially with the mountain of medical bills piling up and then that is in turn tied to work. so instead of letting all of the unknowns bury me i'm just going to continue to think about today and hope that it all will iron out. so while i am still battling the nagging guilt of slacking off in what now appears to be all aspects of my life, i'm trying to keep it in perspective, believe there is a rhyme and reason for all of this, and just grant myself the liberty to continue to lay low for now. that being said, if anyone is in need of any graphic designs (i know there have to be some people throwing parties and want invitations; someone looking to jazz up their business cards; a tee shirt is just too bare to bear; or you have a hankering to see what you'd look like as a toon!) feel free to hit me up! haha...just kidding. ;)

well, i am proud to announce that there are no more sponge baths for this girl! hehe. well, as of yesterday i have returned to the land of the 'normals' at least in being able to take a shower...i cannot tell you how sweet it was to finally feel clean! don't get me wrong, those little soapy buckets from the hospital and dry shampoos are able to keep most of that BO at bay, but there is something to be said to sitting under a stream of hot water and rubbing in that Pantene! ;) okay, okay, this is not necessarily something of epic importance, but being that i've had to wait for the stitches to first come out and then give the wounds a little more time to heal up before being able to get my legs wet, i must say this was a loooooooooong time coming; it certainly goes to show it is the little things that can be very rewarding once they've been stripped away from you!

maneuvering is still a bit tricky, but i'm getting a better handle on these darn crutches. i have had a nice little streak of i believe over a week now in which i've made it up and down the stairs 'all by myself' when i say that i mean i haven't taken a dive and needed to be caught by a helping hand. although i say that and what happens today as i'm exiting the door of a store on an errand i had to run...yes, i lose my balance and come hurtling towards the ground, pavement no less. i will tell you my heart rate went sky high as soon as those crutches went flying but THANKFULLY the lady holding the door for me was at least able to help break my fall a bit in that i ended up landing more on my bum and good leg and spared the mutilated one. needless to say i think i was getting a bit too comfortable and that acted as a warning that i'm still no pro and need to crutch slowly and carefully...i think what happened is i was trying to juggle my wallet (which i thought was small enough to hold while also holding my crutches, and apparently i was wrong!) and instead of asking someone to help me i just figured i'd deal with it. so for being a dork and not asking for help i took a face plant...lesson learned.

other than that, nothing too new or exciting in the world; i've been starting to do a bit of writing again on the side for work and have continued to work on this new novel idea. i also finally got a Wacom Bamboo digital tablet and have been testing that out with my graphic designs. i've got some new cartoons and perhaps i'll be posting those soon. well, that's all for now, onto another weekend; it's odd how time seems to have entered a weird lull in which the days drag on sooooooooooo slowly but then the weeks have a way of passing; yet at the same time i think back over the past few weeks and it seems like it's been a year...so much for having any bearing on the days/weeks/time frame! hope you all enjoy your weekend and get outside for me too. :)

after i was hit by the car and turned around to watch the driver leave i cannot tell you exactly what went through my mind; but after the shock was the pressing urge to find someone to help me. i remember looking back over my shoulder, still careful to cradle my mangled leg in my arms and support the knee in the hopes that it could successfully be realigned by the doctors, and it was then that i saw a man getting out of a black car. he was the driver immediately behind chris, who had fled the scene, and i couldn't tell what he was doing or if he saw me; i started to flail my one free arm and yelled for help. i saw him see me (i later realized he thought i was dead and he was fishing for his phone to call for help and also wanted to go after the driver who had left) and when he discovered i was still alive and in need of immediate assistance he came running over.

i was seated on the pavement, how i did not wind up landing flat on my back i have no idea, but i was still awkwardly clinging to my knee. he put his arms around me, cradling me like a baby, or a broken doll, and told me i'd be okay. admittedly the first few words out of my mouth were something akin to, "my leg, i'll never be able to run again" but soon another more scary realization came to me and i asked, "am i going to live, am i going to be okay?"

he handled this with composure and reassurance i don't think many people would have had upon looking at my sad little state and he told me that, "yes, you'll be okay." he began to pray at that moment and i closed my eyes and fell into him, letting him support me as the pain started to hit me and i felt like i was losing strength. after that there was what felt like a flood of people, other witnesses, the police officer first to arrive, but i focused only on this man and i asked him what his name was, "John" he replied. i squeezed john's shoulder and looked up at him, trying to block out everything else; he was not only supporting me physically but the rock that kept me sane and calm until the ambulance arrived. i do believe he was the one who very well saved my life.

after being rushed by the ambulance into the ER i was just about to go into surgery when the officer at the scene came to speak to me. i had repeated john's name over and over in my head; i am notoriously horrible at remembering names but this was one i was not willing to forget. i asked the officer to please get john's number so i could later call him and thank him.

i awoke from surgery and one of my first requests was to get in contact with my guardian angel. unfortunately, and there is a story here but one to be saved for a later date, the number was lost and then by the time i got in touch with the officer again he wasn't sure which of the numbers was the man i wanted. i was disheartened at the the thought i may never be able to express my thanks to this incredible man; i thought of the possible ways to get into contact with him. perhaps putting an ad in the newspaper, craigslist, or even seeing if perhaps a local news station might be able to help.

then, out of the blue i got a call on my cell phone. i thought rather logically it would just be another person related to the onslaught of insurance and billing calls i had been amidst, but the person on the other line was in fact john. i couldn't believe it and we both ran through the scene telling our own points of view and expressing how scared we were; one common thread was that we both recognized that through it all we focused only on the other, "it was like i was in a battlefield and you were a wounded solider; i just focused on keeping you together until the ambulance came," he told me.

we both wanted to meet, and being that i wasn't in the kind of shape to really be able to go anywhere i offered for him to come to my apartment; thankfully daddy had cleaned it by that time! :) he asked if it was okay if he brought his family; eerily john's last name is chung and he has a daughter named caitlin, spelled the exact same way, and they recently began running together. i told him i would love to meet his entire family and we set it up for the next day.

i was filled with excitement at the prospect and when i saw this man, this man who saved my life, i was at a loss for words. that, for all who know me, is quite a rarity! i met his wonderful wife, three amazing children, and yes caitlin. they were so very sweet and brought me not only a stuffed monkey and balloon but a beautiful flowering plant too and i have them all set up right where i can see them every day as i camp out on the sofa. as i met each and every one of the chungs i learned about them and their lives and knew i had also found lifelong friends...and i told them what a hero their dad, and husband, was even though he blushed and said it was something anyone would do. but i looked him in the eye and said, "no, it was not what everyone did," referencing chris. and while the numerous people who did stop are a testament to the fact i believe there is more good than bad in this world, the fact is that chris fled and john came to my rescue.

we have exchanged numbers, emails, and the like and i want to go out to some of caitlin's meets as well as the basketball and volleyball games of his younger children when i get better; but most of all i want to stay in contact with the whole family. i have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support thus far and yet another positive i can take away from this horrible accident is that i have now met an amazing family; and of course my guardian angel.

as i sit here with my leg elevated, propped up rather comically by a pile of pillows and pointed skyward my thoughts are drawn to the other trials and hardships that are facing not only some of my immediate friends and family members, but even the strangers i see on the news. it is easy for us all to get so wound up in our own problems that we kind of block out what is going on around us and we sometimes think we have it 'the worst.' i'm as guilty as the next person; it's easy to get sucked into that downward spiral of self pity, but it's a chasm that doesn't ever have an end and you'll only wind up ruminating over things until you're even more depressed.

in my most recent ordeal i've had plenty of moments where i question 'why me' and think i'm just the most unlucky person around; but the truth is, yes i've been dealt a tough hand but everyone has those cards sooner or later. it may come in the form of a physical hardship, an injury or even birth defect, it could also come in the form of a mental complex be it a neurosis or compulsion, and there are many other forms. in taking a closer look at the people around us, we can see that at any given time one may be suffering in some way to some degree but at the same time there are also positives in their life; be them glaringly obvious or hidden a bit and they need only look a bit harder to find them.

personally, my grandfather had an accident (ironically the same day as my car accident) and he landed himself in the hospital with a trauma to his head. at first he was fighting the system, refusing to eat, to get out of bed, to even talk but it finally took a hardy dose of tough love from a nurse to tell him that he either is going to fight to get better or he'll just end up stuck in the hospital bed he hates so much even longer. thankfully that motivated him and he started to actively participate in getting better, and getting back to life. instead of sitting there stewing about what he can't do or doesn't have at the moment he looked ahead to what he will eventually be able to return to once he overcomes this hurdle.

that can be applied to me, and lots of other problems; we get sucked into the here and now and see the future we want as unobtainable and then sort of give up on it completely. holding onto the hope that we can overcome what we have been faced with now and that we will emerge stronger is perhaps the paramount way to keep plugging away when the going gets seemingly unbearable. and another thing we can take heed to notice is that we are not alone; we all go through rough patches and i think that for the most part human nature is to offer consolation to others when we can because we were met with the same thing in our own times of need.

reaching out not only benefits the person feeling low, but it also rewards the giver. i've been lucky enough to have many wonderful people reach out to me, and at the same time i do what i can to reach out to my own friends and people i meet that may need a hand or even just a friendly smile. when things do seem overwelming i think it helps to take a moment and remember we are never alone, even if it seems like it at times, and also that no matter how far off it looks the future is there...we only need to keep fighting to make it there.

so today was the big day...time to rip out those stitches! yikes...but i've found that sometimes if you build up an event to much in your mind that by the time it actually comes you will most likely be relieved that it isn't as horrible as you might have imagined. well, i'm not going to say it was fun, or a picnic in the park, but i did survive....haha. well, we'll get to the main event in a minute but i started off by first getting another set of xrays. to do that they took off my big cast, and when they took the full thing off the first wave of outside air felt both soothing and slightly painful; it's still an odd sensation i can't quite put into words. the nurse had to pull off some of the cottony gauze that was stuck to the skin and again that was weird. they did the xrays and when dr. cory popped those suckers up on the light board i was able to see all that hardware. but what drew my attention after seeing the two rods and sets of screws was the my tibia was actually broken a second time up more towards mid shin level. "umm, is my bone broken there also?" i asked, i was afraid that i'd have to go back in for more steel or by some crazy fluke they had missed that second fracture and this was the first time it showed up. but he explained that the biggest trauma was of course closer to the ankle and that was the main priority; i guess when compared to what was going on further south that second break wasn't that big of a deal. so dr. cory told me that the bone would heal up fine on it's own. the funny thing is that i had been noticing a strange clicking sort of sound when i straightened my leg and couldn't figure out why...i was afraid it was some tendon gone awry, but the good doc told me that's actually coming from the second bone fracture...huh, good to know! but since the whole area is still partially numb i don't feel any specific pain in the region, so no harm no foul i guess.

they got the skin all cotton free, and i will say it did look like one mr. edward scissorhands gotten ahold of me! at this point my dear friend ron, who actually put in all these fine sutures, stepped in and got down to work. i couldn't look, but ron was great and even joked, "well, the good news is this doesn't hurt me a bit!" i assured him that yes, that was the top priority! ;) because there were so many stitches i think the whole thing took about 20 minutes, but ron was a pro and it wasn't as bad as i had played it out in my mind; but i'm not going to lie in that it was painless...i'll just say i'm glad it's over and leave it at that.

so the good news is that i'm on track and where i should be in terms of what dr. cory expected. i was a bit appalled at how much my calf had atrophied, i have NO calf muscle now...haha...still thankfully some of the swelling around what used to be my calf went down. what scared me also was that my whole ankle and heel is still very swollen, (and i dare say i may even have kankles!) but dr. cory assured me that is to be expected, it did go through some trauma after all, and he said that it will stay swollen most likely for a year. that blew me away, but it also made me feel better in that it's not 'behind schedule' by still being so beautifully yellow. ;)

dr. cory then added a few stretches to my PT routine; i'm now to start stretching my achilles by placing a towel around my foot and pulling the foot towards me, and because i can't actively point my foot down i will start to 'stretch' the upper tendons by just dangling my foot over the edge of a chair. slowly i will regain some muscle control in the upcoming weeks and the next step will be to work on being able to point my foot down and begin flexing it towards me without the towel. it was frustrating when i was staring at the limp foot and willing it to point and flex and the little bugger refused to move! but like i went through that same feeling with not being able to move my big toe much at all, and then progressing to moving it millimeter by millimeter the doc told me it will come in time...so of course it's back to being patient; not one of my strong points, but i'm getting better at it!

overall the visit went well, and i must say my doctors, and my main man ron (i asked him if he ever sewed anything other than skin and he told me he was rather good at fixing socks), are kick a** and i always feel uplifted after seeing them. oh, and now i am in a splint which feels like i've dropped about ten pounds of excess cast weight from my leg, and that's nice; at the same time i feel a bit nervous without the extra protection and feel like the whole area is so exposed. but, since i am now supposed to start airing it out and working on moving the foot, i've got to be able to unwrap those bandages...and so FRANKENLEG must see the light! alright, i'm wiped, so goodnight to all and i hope you all rest easy...do not worry, frankenleg will not haunt your dreams. ;)